Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
