dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
