she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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