I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
