Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just had sex on a roof
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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