with your own penis?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
