Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
