bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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