We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
