names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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