dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
