just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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