We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
