its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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