glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
