My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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