I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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