I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize