And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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