He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
