Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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