You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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