got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
