If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
