So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize