I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone came in the potted fern
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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