Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
