Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i now understand why vodka
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize