it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
