sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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