Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize