u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
