And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
