I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
