I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nutella sex= disaster
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
