sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
