at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
