batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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