You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
