Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize