don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
