I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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