I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
