I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
