Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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