fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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