The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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