dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
