Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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