I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
