We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
