But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
