You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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