Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
