so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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