life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
