There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
