It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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