I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
