I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize