if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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