i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize