Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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