kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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