I need help removing her.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
