I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
