can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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