Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
