im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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