I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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