So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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