what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
