McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
