Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
