An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize